Please Don’t Worship Bule
Written by Fanny, an Indonesian woman married to a French man.
(Note: Bule is the Indonesian term referring to white-skinned foreigner)
Recently I was involved in a discussion on the scandalous Miss Indonesia 2009, Karenina Halim, who will represent Indonesia in Miss World 2009 without speaking fluent Indonesian. Someone pointed out that the juries – like many Indonesians – ‘worship’ white and half-white looking people, and call them beauty. Another person mentioned that the worshipping is the product of “the mentality of a colonized nation” referring to the 350 year-long Dutch colonization in the country that ended in 1942.
Whatever the reasons are, it is a fact that a bule is generalized by many Indonesians as more handsome, richer and better in any way. They seem to have the best jobs, the best homes, hang out in the best places, and have the most expensive anything. Half-bules are invited to star, model and sing, regardless their capabilities. Some Indonesian girls compete to get a ‘bule-boyfriend’ dreaming of an up-graded future and star-potential children.
Consequently, and naturally, this generalization sends a boomerang, which is social jealousy. Prices for bule are always much higher than for the locals. Indonesians who hang out with them are generally regarded as gold digger, or even worse, prostitutes. Those who are married to bule are often expected by their surroundings to pour financial help. In the street, bules are sometimes hated as they are stamped as symbol of colonization, sin and wild/dishonourable life. All this is because bules are regarded too highly in the first place.
As a wife of a bule, I can’t help but worry. Many Indonesians seem to forget that bules are just like any of us, like you and me. Some are rich, others are poor, some are prettier than others, some are as dumb as a donkey, and others are jobless and homeless. It’s true that some bule-expatriates have the best jobs and income, but hey, they are internationally recruited. Like my Indonesian friend Yohana, some Indonesian engineers I know here, and others, who’ve got the big-paid Paris-based international-position because no French could replace their profiles. I was also expatriated in Thailand for the same reason (it is generally a regulation of any government that an expatriate is recruited only when no national staff could fill in the position). The conclusion is, just because some bules have managed to get those flashy jobs doesn’t mean that all bules are as smart and as rich. And not all of them deserve the hatred created out of jealousy to the ones lucky enough to swim in gold.
How does this all affect me? Well, the stereotypes of bule as a rich, wild person clearly doesn’t help the reputation of the partner seen next to him/her. Nobody wants to be generalized as wild gold-digger, especially when they are not. Not everyone is strong enough not to freak-out or break-down if they are being treated like a prostitute by their own fellow Indonesians in public places.
So please, stop this generalization towards bule. Stop worshipping them, stop targeting them with hateful jealousy. There’s nothing enviable about dating or marrying a bule, so stop competing to get one to gain privileges, it’s silly. People should know that Indonesians lose a lot of civic rights just by marrying a foreigner. On top of it, it takes so much energy, understanding, open-mindedness, courage, cash, patience and love to be able to make a mixed-marriage works, this I can assure you. If I could choose, I would opt for marrying a fellow Indonesian. But we can’t choose with whom we fall in love. Love just… happens.
So, I take the responsibility and consequences of my decision to marry for love. But I don’t hope to go as far as having to bear insults, jealousy and hatred from my own compatriots, every time I travel to my own country with my bule husband. This summer, I will be there, and I wish people will perceive us equally to them, and that we’ll be free of judgements and stereotypes. As we bring a lot of love to share and a lot of respect to give to my fellow countrymen/women, it’ll be nice if we could just have fun together, respecting our differences and celebrating the things we have in common. I hope this wish comes true.
Tags: mixed-marriages